Most of the major environmental organizations are probably rolling out all sorts of events and press releases and activities to celebrate and promote awareness (we say “probably” because we haven’t actually checked), but here at TreeHumper we would like to take the opportunity to say thank you to some lesser known champions of the earth. Much lesser known. Here is a rundown of some of environmental heroes working a bit more under the radar.

GMC Sierra Club

Unlike its more well-known and wide-ranging cousin, the GMC Sierra Club spends all of its time driving around in its namesake, stopping wherever an environmental crime is occurring. Its members jump out of the car and dole out some what-for before speeding away again. In 2002, they singlehandedly stopped the felling of THREE trees in the Pacific Northwest.

Sea Goatherd Conservation Society

Using guerilla tactics, the Sea Goatherds work tirelessly to stop the senseless slaughter of that darling of the ocean, the sea goat. What, never heard of it? Me neither. Well, I called them and asked, and they told me to fuck off.

Environmental Offense Fund

Much like the GMC Sierra Club, these guys just fuck people up who do something bad to the environment. They’ve been around for a while. Ever hear from the captain of the Exxon Valdez after 1989? Yeah, didn’t think so.

PucePeace

I’m not really clear on what these guys do. They’re rabidly vocal, though, and generally will not compromise about anything, so really, they’re Greenpeace with an uglier name.

PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals

This one is real! Or it was, sorta. Some guy registered the domain name back in 1996 and the OTHER group with that acronym sued him. Dicks.

Autobahn Society

This group, with a history dating back into the middle of last century, drive around Germany really fast and try not to hit birds along the way. They are… mostly successful.

National Resources Defense Council

This group formed as an offshoot of NRDC when a number of their employees went insane with anger because everyone kept thinking their N stood for “National.” All of its members are locked away in various mental institutions around the country, but they write lots of letters on recycled paper, or something.

What a great green idea: waterboarding chickens with boiling water.  Ronald is really doing more with less.  By waterboarding the chickens with boiling water they are washing, cooking and toturing the animals all in one step!  This saves time, money, energy and water plus it’s a great way to keep the meat moist.  I suspect they could go even further and reuse the water to make their sodas.

"they are a little scratchy"

Fullerton, CA – After a five year battle with Greenpeace, paper products company Kimberly-Clark had agreed to stop chopping down the ancient Boreal forest to make their Kleenex brand tissues.  In order to eliminate further deforestation on their part, Kimberly-Clark has replaced the paper tissues with fluffy kittens.

The new product line has be very well received by consumer, only a few complaining that the new tissues are a little scratchy.

Wipe your nose on these!

Unfortunately Kleenex, you can’t make everyone happy and they are now under fire from PETA.  Inspired by Greenpeaces Kleercut campaign PETA has launched a “Kleercat” campaign, diluting the pun even further (we recommended KittenHumper.com but apparently Glenn Beck already has that domain).

At a launch event scantily clad PETA representatives encouraged sniffly nosed passers by to save a kitten by wiping their noses on their generously augmented breasts.  When asked if they would eventually cave to the PETA pressure Kimberly-Clark spokeswoman Kimberly Clark had this to say:

“It’s not likely.  The kittens were a win-win choice.  We are saving trees plus kittens are cheap as hell and everybody loves them!  Boobs in a box is something we tossed around one of our focus groups but ultimately it didn’t fit with our commitment to family values.  As far as the media campaign,  Greenpeace is hardcore, we just couldn’t take it anymore, but PETA, well they are kinda pussies, so we’re not too worried.”

One thing is for certain, those Kleenexes are cute as hell!