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Senator McConnell Goes Into Real Lions’ Den, Doesn’t Come Out

Jan 30, 2010 by The Lorax

Broken News

Symbolic attempt at bipartisanship backfires on Senate minority leader.

mcconnell_lionsIn an effort to match President Obama’s show of bipartisanship when he spoke to and fielded questions from Republican House leaders on Friday, Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell (R—Ken.) took a symbolic and apparently fatal approach.

“The President has put on a big show of going into a so-called ‘lions’ den’ in order to simply speak with some Republicans,” the senator said from the grounds of the Louisville Zoo in his home state. “Well, I’ll do him one better, because our party is firmly committed to doing right by the American people. I’ll go into a real lions’ den.”

With that, Sen. McConnell scaled the fence, threw a ladder toward the other side of the protective moat, and clambered his way into the lions’ area. He walked airily around the enclosure, but after stepping behind a stand of trees screams were soon heard. McConnell is now presumed eaten.

When reached for comment, the other Republican Kentucky senator Jim Bunning said he had encouraged McConnell’s act of courage but admitted it may have been shortsighted. “It was a great act by a great man,” Bunning said. “But I suppose we should have asked the zookeepers if those lions had been fed recently or something.”

Kentucky’s governor will appoint an interim senator until a time when an election can be held. Bunning dismissed the potential for an unexpected swing in parties like what recently happened in the Massachusetts election to replace Senator Kennedy. “C’mon, this is Kentucky,” he said. “Most people here don’t even know the word ‘Democrat.’”



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5 Responses to “Senator McConnell Goes Into Real Lions’ Den, Doesn’t Come Out”

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