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New Congressional Leaders Deny Climate Change, as well as Climate, Change

Nov 11, 2010 by The Lorax

Broken News

In an apparent game of one-upmanship, Republican members of Congress continue to doubt the existence of human-caused climate change. But they haven’t stopped there. “Global warming is utter farce,” said the next Speaker of House John Boehner (R–Ohio). “And you know what? I don’t think anyone has proven there’s really a climate at all. We really need to go back to the science, here.”

Meanwhile, John Shimkus (R-Ill.) added his two cents: “The uncertainty is just way too high. I mean, tell me what will happen on January 24. Right now. Go. You can’t. Will it snow? NOT IN CUBA, IT WON’T. See? You just don’t know. And if we don’t know what the climate is doing, then it doesn’t exist. Q.E.D.”

Shimkus is among several Republicans maneuvering to become chair of the House energy committee. He added that since we can’t predict exact wind conditions, wind power clearly doesn’t exist either.

But it was in the Senate that the most thorough denials were thrown about, with Kentucky Senator-elect Rand Paul echoing the sentiments on climate change strongly. “Climate doesn’t change. There is no climate. In fact, there is no change. Nothing changes. You know what’s the only thing that actually exists, other than maybe Jesus? The Constitution. It never changes, so it exists.” When told that there is in fact a method by which the Constitution changes, Paul responded “NOT ON MY WATCH.”



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