In spite of widespread publicity on Earth Day’s impending 40th birthday, the worldwide celebration of all things environmentally friendly insisted it is only turning 36 years old on April 22.
“Come on, do I look 40?” Earth Day said, sporting a haircut that inspired whispers of a midlife crisis. Earth Day was—reportedly—started in 1970 by Wisconsin Senator Gaylord (heh) Nelson. This year, celebrations have been planned around the world for its 40th year, but Earth Day dismissed the idea as unnecessary and “simply the wrong year!”
World Environment Day, which has engaged in an understated but bitter rivalry with Earth Day since the late 1980s, laughed at Earth Day’s denial of the 40-year mark. “Come on,” it said. “I’m 38, and I know full well that I didn’t exist when Earth Day got going. So how can that slut claim to be 36? Does it think we’re retarded?”
When told of the comment, Earth Day said that no, it does not think we’re retarded. It offered no alternative explanation for the confusion, though. The 40th birthday celebrations are apparently moving forward in spite of Earth Day’s objections. According to an anonymous aide, Earth Day will undergo significant Botox procedures before the 22nd in an effort to “put its best face forward.”