Washington, DC - In an apparent attempt to bring down the nation’s deficit, the president has announced he is going to open up a farmers market at the White House.
Mack Johnny, CEO of Hole Foods, complained that private grocers will not be able to compete against a public produce option. He feels that his stores are going to be particularly harmed:
“The college educated, self-righteous, 30-somthing elitists are our market, and the White House is clearly looking to take advantage of this demographics’ unhealthy obsession with the president to push their White House CSA.” He went on to add, “Oh, wait, I forgot to explain that by CSA I mean Communist Supported Agriculture not Community Supported Agriculture. Make sure you put that in there, it’s pretty witty and it’s a good way to color this administration as a bunch of commies without coming out and saying it. Hey, that would actually make a great title, dont you think? Are you still recording this?”
Obama assured his critics that the White House farmers market will not have an unfair advantage and will not steal business away from the private businesses. “There are over 50 million people in America that don’t have access to vegetables and the White House farmers market will feed them all.” When asked how the relatively small garden would feed 50 million people Obama responded that those numbers would be feasible with a combination of improving efficiency and magic.
His critics on the far right were not buying the charm. Fair and balanced “journalist” Lenny Peck pointed out that the Nazis grew vegetables and drew parallels to Obama and his administration:
“I’m not saying that Obama is a Nazi, I’m just saying that he’s a white supremacist fascist dictator that was born in Nazi Germany and was personally responsible for the holocaust and isn’t done yet because he is going to kill your grandmother with his Nazi vegetables… Just sayin’.”